Here’s an AUTONOMY’S CONQUEST for ya…

The phrase “skinny little shit” comes to mind when I think of my elementary and secondary school years. That was the insult I dreaded most. No other phrase made me feel more exposed, vulnerable and helpless. It was a cutting reminder that not only was I not able to defend myself against senseless physical attacks from cruel, freewheeling bullies; but I that didn’t have the body-type that girls were attracted to either. I felt trapped in what I thought were completely bullshit and unfair circumstances. What good was I?

Imagine it.

Every morning I’d hope to wake up, look in the mirror, and discover that I’d miraculously filled out. And every morning would be the same: disappointment. Still skinny. Still a skinny little shit. Then I’d endure a surge of spine-tingling terror upon boarding the school bus. As it rode towards my daily 8-3 internment facility, I’d wonder:

Was this gonna be another day of being body-slammed into the pavement by some asshole prowling for an easy target? Was this gonna be another day of being giggled-at by some heartless chicks who think I have chicken arms?

Science tells us we learn through repetition.

Having these fears and many, many more like them on a near-constant repeat in my mind, they became my world. That’s when a dark and deep depression set in. One that lasted throughout my entire 20’s.

The thought that I was never going to be desirable or seen “as a man”, trivial it might seem, had much to do with that. Much descended from that. Reams and reams of various performance anxieties, chronic troubles keeping relationships together, falling grades in university, inability to keep a job, and an acute fear of being out in public (at the height of which I sequestered myself in a room for the better part of a year). I was having a hard time building a stable and healthy identity because I felt like a deeply abject, thin bag of flesh.

Body-shaming is a gender-universal experience. It affects BOTH men and women, neither more so or deeper so than the other. It’s gravely important to keep an open, inclusive dialogue about it’s causes.

My image of myself was shaped, in a large degree, by the humiliating words directed to it, and by the unfavourable comparisons I made to it (that I felt pressured into making). The shame of being a slender, “unmanly” figure developed into a dirty secret. I was always painfully self-conscious going to the beach, at pool parties, in change rooms, in intimate situations – even in public places wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Though I’d try to act like I wasn’t bothered by my shape, I was.

But here’s something I learned: admitting the truth is not only freeing, it’s empowering. When I admitted to myself that I was deeply embarrassed of my body weight, I realized I didn’t have to feel that way. My reasons for feeling that way weren’t in accord with how I pictured a thoughtful, intelligent, and fundamentally empathic person would think. And that’s the person I aim to be.

These shaming-thoughts turned out to be, in essence, incredibly useless. Cruel takedowns that accomplished nothing other than to induce social withdrawal and self-loathing in me.

What the hell is the point of that?

And that’s when I realized that I could be doing much better things with my heart and mind. Things that induce joy or happiness in me, as well as in others. Those formative forces that filled me with shame were, to put it bluntly, full of shit. They spoke nothing of worth or value. Suddenly there was no reason to listen to them. They were laughable noise.

That doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with body-shaming issues. I do. But I know now how to listen, and what to listen to.

That’s autonomy.

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my AUTONOMY’S CONQUEST…

The journey to record ACTION POTENTIAL began years ago, with us wanting to push ourselves to the limits of our creativity.

This truly was the hardest record to track; it pushed me physically, mentally, and emotionally. There were many hardships and many struggles along the way; love loss, career changes, arrangement changes as well as not having a jam space for a significant amount of time.

There were definitely moments were it seemed to hard, where there was no light at the end of the tunnel, as if running uphill against a landslide.

After all of that WE in POLARITY stand before you all, our amazing and loyal fans, and THANK YOU so very much from the bottom of our hearts for sticking through this process with us.

WE now stand stronger than ever, united 110% as not only band mates, friends, but also a family, which includes all of you, are amazing FANS!

THE FUTURE HAS JUST BEGUN
POLARITY WILL BE HITTING HARDER THAN EVER

This is MY AUTONOMY’S CONQUEST

-Zim

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My Autonomy’s Conquest

The beauty of POLARITY’s music is as a listener, you can either choose to put yourself in a members shoes or decide to interpret the music and lyrics for yourself, to apply to the ideals and issues you face every day in your unique life. So what’s unique in my life that this song applies to? What is my conquest for autonomy?

Well it’s not the happiest story of all time, but it sure is the un-sugar-coated truth and will explain my recent absences from social media. Over the last few years, I’ve noticed the comings and goings of some abdominal pains. They have been diagnosed and treated previously as a variety of things, once an injury, another time an infection. At some point in late February, these minor cramps began to turn into pains, inflammation and subsequently difficulty with a variety of bodily functions, that wouldn’t go away. Upon further study it appears the source of these pains has been a problem with my prostate. It’s important to share this with you because it has now become my sole conquest for autonomy. This is the next big fight in my life and, let’s get one thing straight, the next win under my belt. The Cole’s notes for those learning this the first time; I am currently on medical leave from my job. Physically, I’m limited, but I’m still able to play with the band for now. I’m still unaware of exactly what is wrong, but I have failed numerous prostate exams and am scheduled to see a Urological Oncologist at the end of June. 

My apologies for the sad news, but this is just another battle to fight and win like so many before and since we try to be close to our fans, especially our local following who have become close friends over a decade, you deserve to be in the loop because it may cause some changes to happen in the near future. I am concentrating on taking care of myself, and contributing in any way I can to Polarity while you guys get to soak up twelve tracks of new material. This song is an audio representation of our past conquests, and an inspiration for tomorrows. Until next time, concentrate, and meditate.

By the way, nothing makes me happier than to see your responses to this song, especially the one mentioning how there is no longer a need to wait for the Tool album… man… I don’t have words for that lol! From all of us, thank you so much.

Jason Swait

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Autonomy’s Conquest

Autonomy’s Conquest

Passive submission and i’m paralyzed by a hijacking of my brain
with no one but self to blame
illusion clear, it’s strength I fear
lullaby lies and i’m going insane
with this fierce imagination 

I’m faithfully just a servant to you
subject to your pitiful rule
In this Fortress of fear I call Fortitude here
Conquer conquer

Now here you come just as I think that I am starting to win your game
obliteration of my faith in
myself my dear fallacy’s here
Projecting lies but i see you guise
all i do is oblige

I’m faithfully just a servant to you
subject to your and your pitiful rule
In this Fortress of fear I call Fortitude here
Conquer conquer

You take me to walk around my fears in the night in the night
it’s dark and it’s cold with these souls and i fear that i might
become one of these though i want to transcend to the light
your leading me by the stench of your words and they bite

My hopes of becoming something other than this frozen fright
with every step that I take i feel your knuckles squeezing tight
with every breath that i take you restrict me finding light
with every thought that i think you do your best to ignite

Doubt within self and the need to feel pain
Pain within self and the need to feel shame
Shame within self and the need to place blame
blame within self and this mind fucked chess game

You take me to walk around my fears in the night in the night
it’s dark and it’s cold with these souls and I fear that I might
become one of these though I want to transced to light
I’m Looking for truth external to what i know is right

Open Heart
Concentrate and Meditatie
She said
The choice is in your perception
Balance mind in focused time
Breathe breathe breathe
Balance mind in focused time

Self assured I will not be your fool
Im a subject of me and by Free Will I Rule
In this fortress of Will I call fortitude here
I will Conquer

Read fear to find truth
Awaken to what defines you
Autonomous is what you are
Dependant fear leads you into the dark

Rise up

~ Jasmine Virginia

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FINAL BARN BURNER LAST SATURDAY!

Saturday Night was the stuff dreams are made of.

It’s the type of night that’s happening so quickly and vividly you have to consciously take it in with a deep breath and ask yourself to hold it a little longer while the magic of it all lingers before your eyes. While holding the moment comes awareness – I’m exactly where I want to be; side stage in the artist tent stretching waiting to take the stage with my best buds in front of an audience of up to 800 people.

Thank you, pinch, thank you, pinch, repeat.

I had arrived with Eric around 3pm, the doors had been open since 12 and hundreds of camps were already set up. Sitana and Hammy had arrived an hour or so before us and Jason, well Jason had been there since Thursday night setting everything up.

Though they had been calling for rain all week, it turned out to be the perfect day with the cotton candy clouds over head and stars at night. Some of the first people I met were from the prairies and had called me over to their camp to let me know they planned their trip around this party, knew our band and were anxiously and excitedly awaiting our set much later on that evening.

What an epic way to start the day – people from across the country were excited for our set…sweet!

And it only got better from there, the day continued with hug ambushes from friends, fans and fellow musicians as we all saw one another for the first time, and there is absolutely no way a day filled with so many hugs can be anything but awesome.

The musical acts started at 2pm and were all high caliber talent. There wasn’t a dull moment because of the duel stages they had set up, the main stage and the acoustic stage. Affinity took to the acoustic stage around 8pm and as usual, put on a stellar show, their camp is fronted by fem vocalist extraordinare Ash Curtis who’s voice always blows me away! I highly recommend checking out this hard working Canadian Rock band!

Texas King were the band taking the stage before us and I had been forewarned they were awesome….I was not disappointed in the least, in fact I loved every second of their high energy blues/alt/soul rock set. Another, must check out.

We took the stage directly after people shaved their head for money and the crowd was packed. Party goers/music lovers/musicians crowded around the stage and fed us moshey energy all set long, my memory of our set is looking around the stage and seeing my band brothers up there with me having a great time, looking out and seeing all the friends I had made throughout the day with big smiles and head banging and…deep breaths….you need to take very deep breaths when you run around a big stage doing your best to keep up to very well oiled musicians while twiriling and singing….

After getting off the stage the rest of the night is a blur of enjoying Chuck Coles Set, rocking out with Say Yes, hanging out with other musicians including Ben Rispin of Saint Alvia Cartel, and Jordon Hastings of Alexis on Fire in the twinkle lit artist tent…. annnnnd getting approached from every angle by party goers wanting only to give their positive energy and belief to our dream; one concert goer said our set was ‘life changing’ and as the nights magic continued I was very aware of the absolute awesomeness of it all and very grateful to be one of the people blessed enough to experience it as an artist.

In fact, each one of us were exactly where we wanted to be, on stage when it was our time to create loud sound as a group, hanging with friends/fans in the tent city/enjoying all the bands and in Jasons case, behind the lighting console running an epic lighting show for all the bands!

Ben Rispin gave some incredibly encouraging words after our set letting me know we’ve come a long way in the last two years and that he knew industry people were listening and the name POLARITY was ever growing. I relayed my relief to hear this because sometimes it just doesn’t feel like you’re making progress…though in truth, I know we must embrace the process of the progress otherwise whats the point of it all? And truly, in my heart of hearts I know working towards POLARITY in any capacity IS progress.

Before I sign off/write a novel, there is no way I could finish this post without acknowledging Alanna Foell and her brother James Foell for creating The Barn Burner…a party of EPIC proportions not only for a good time but for a good cause. You two are the true facilitators of ten years of one magical night a year that truly unites people for the purpose of healing. So Thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding all of the people at The Barn Burner that connecting with others who appreciate you restores the spirit and gives you the energy to keep moving forward.

May we all keep taking one step in front of the other towards our dreams knowing process is progress towards magic filled nights where you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.

Thank you, pinch, repeat.

With Love,
Jasmine

 

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EXCITING SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT!

Toronto, we’re playing our favourite venue with some EPIC talent!
Kill Matilda Will be releasing their EP and kicking off a tour with Dusty Exner leading their camp!
The Anti-Queens Toronto’s three piece fem fronted punk group will be melting faces and blowing eardrums in the best way possible annnnnd The Alcohollys coming from London are going to get at us with Tropical Psy Rock….

Ummmmmm YESSSSS PLEASE!

OH and just so you all know, we’re throwing this show ourselves and were throwing it so that every band that plays gets their FULL pull off the door which means all the money made will be going directly into the artists hands!!! YAY….Any of our fans that come personally for us can rest assured we’re using the $ we make for our upcoming album and all the expenses that coming along with releasing one!

We’ll be playing only new songs off our upcoming album ACTION POTENTIAL and there’s a song that not even our closest fans have heard played live! We can’t wait!

We can’t wait to see your beautiful faces Toronto! This one’s going down in the history books!

Love and Headbangs,

POLARITY

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A Poetic Jasmine..

It’s been a long time since hitting up a stage, and when I’m away from performing for too long it feels as if an integral part of my soul goes into a deep freeze, it’s dark place to be and in dark places it’s easy to loose yourself while getting lost….
During these times practice, perseverance and patience shine moments of light my way and give me assurance I’ll find my most powerful self again.
The night before I feel excited.
The morning of I feel relaxed.
Before stepping up I feel nervous.


When my bandmates play their first notes…I feel at home.


My doubts, fears and negative self talk melt away while my body and voice unfold like the petals of a flower let go knowing it’s their time to recharge in the light…it’s then that I’m always able to feel with absolute certainty and clarity that this dream is always going to be worth chasing.


Mapleton….you have no idea how much I’m looking forward to you.


See you on Saturday.

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